Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Are You Advertising Your Life on Your Car?



Ever think about what the bumper of your car says about you and your family?

Bumper stickers portray a small aspect of your life.  Most are just pithy little one-liners on the back of your car that could indicate any number of things about you, such as your smart-ass sense of humor, your political affiliation, your religion, or how you like to spend your free time.  One bumper sticker alone is just a blurb about you, and gives very little information about you and yours.  Several start to paint a picture about who you are, but still provide only limited info.

These days, however, car decor is veering away from the bumper sticker and is erring more on the side of TMI.  In particular, I am talking about the "my family" decals that the whole darn world seems to be putting on their rear windshields.  You know the ones I'm talking about-- the white (like they've been drawn in chalk) stick-figure families stuck to every mommy-mobile in America.  If you have one of these darling decorations on the back of your car, I'm not judging you.  I swear.  They really are cute-- downright adorable, I would even dare to venture.  When these stick figure groupings first started popping up, they were mostly generic things that basically indicated the number, ages and genders of the people that might be riding in your minivan.  Of course, generic isn't the way most mommies roll nowadays.  These once generic decals have turned into a miniature resume of the entire family's extracurricular activities and travels.  Other than a love of gratuitous cuteness, here is an example of what else a stick figure decal (not the one shown above) and other bumper decor tells me about a family: 

"Hi, we are a family of 5: mom, dad, 2 boys and a girl. My daughter-- our middle child-- is a dancer.  See her cute little tutu?  My oldest son plays soccer and the youngest plays lacrosse.  (That weird stick and helmet are for lacrosse, not butterfly netting.)  I love to play tennis and my husband is a cycler.  We have tons of insanely expensive sporting equipment and dance apparel at my house, thanks to these activities.  We are also rarely home on the weekends, because of our sports.  If you just follow me home, you will see where I live, and then you can come back this weekend when we are at a game, and take whatever you want!  I don't know what the street value of that stuff is, but you will surely love it-- we obviously do!  By the way, if it hasn't already occurred to you, we've got lots of other cool stuff at my house too-- my husband gets paid well, ya see.  Betcha noticed the Mickey Mouse ears on my antenna!  Well, you can be sure we didn't pay for that vacation on a Mickey D's salary-- no sirree!  And see that OBX sticker on the bumper?  The cool little white oval one with the lighthouse on it?  Those rental houses are beautiful and totally affordable-- if you're us!  Yup, our house is the house to rob, if I do say so myself!  We've got LOTS OF AWESOME STUFF!  And did I mention we are rarely home?!"

...or something like that.

Maybe I just missed my calling as a criminal mastermind.  Maybe I'm just paranoid...  But if I even got just a little bit of that info right, it's probably more info than you would share with the average creepy stranger you might encounter when you are out and about.  Just a thought.

On a lighter note, I wonder-- just for giggles-- what would my family decal look like, if I could customize it for my brood?  Would the Crazy Train decal be an invitation, or a warning, to curious observers and creepy strangers?



Hmm... Let's start with Hubby.  He'd be reluctantly wearing his bluetooth earbud, carrying his suitcase with its Gold Member Mileage Rewards tag attached, wearing his backpack briefcase and sandals (because those are his shoes of choice), with a charming smile on his face.  Then there's me, with bags under eyes, frazzled look on my face, an Autism awareness puzzle piece on my t-shirt, laptop in one hand, coffee cup in the other, and possibly a lasso or some other herding device attached to my belt-- strictly for keeping the troops all in one place.  I would look... tired.  And busy.  Ish.  Next, we have her Royal Highness Princess in her fluffy skirt and off-kilter tiara.  In one tightly-balled fist, she would be choking the life out of her stuffy-of-the-day.  In the other hand, raised high above her head, she would be wielding her cudgel royal scepter in a very threatening manner.  To complete the crazed-royal look, P's eyes would be wide and her mouth would be open in her most fierce Apache war cry.  A double-arms-length away from her sister would stand Birdie.  Birdie would have a book held up where her face should be, electrified-looking hair peeking over said book, ill-fitting clothes and pockets bulging with parking lot debris treasure, and she would be wearing her coyote tooth necklace.  She would also most likely be sporting her dragon wings, which would be fabulous.  Finally, somewhere at our feet, would be our bulldog.  (I'm not sure how you would depict a bulldog as a stick figure, but that's not really the issue here.)  Buddy would be lying on his back, tongue lolling to one side.  He would be peeing a perfect arc up into the air and over toward our ankles, just like he does when he greets anyone he is happy to see (especially our neighbors).  It would be one perfectly goofy, slightly disheveled, somewhat disturbing, but completely accurate family decal.

So, who wants to follow me home, based on our decal?  Are we odd enough to deter you?  I know I've indicated an semi-absent hubby, a laptop, and potentially some jewels (although I am sure you can guess the tiara is plastic) at my house, but is that enough?


Now that I think about it, maybe should I put an NRA sticker back there beside my decal, as well-- just to be safe!

23 comments:

  1. Those decals are the bane of my existence. I can't imagine why anyone would want to advertise they have kids, what said kids are into, and the worst is the ones that are kind enough to the pedophiles out there to attach their kids names to the decals too.
    Seriously, other moms (and dads too I guess)... If you've not thought this through, there are a lot of bad people in the world (good ones too) and they would just love all that info. Don't help them.

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    1. Oh please...like "the scary people" need a decal on your car window to know if you have children. Unless you leave your kids locked in a closet at home, their presence alone should be enough to alert anyone that wants to know. I understand being cautious but this line of reasoning is just a little silly to me.

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  2. I knew there were other reasons (besides the fact that I just don't put stickers on my car) I haven't plastered a stick figure family on the back of my car. I've also refrained from having my kid's names embroidered on their backpacks...for that same reason!! Well said, well said indeed!!

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  3. I went to the mall for the first time in about 2 years the other day with the kids. I saw one of those sticker-making stations and I was *this close* to making us 5 - they had Day of the Dead skull heads which I thought were absolutely adorable (the girl skulls had big pink bows on top). The only thing that stopped me was that Boo's not here yet - seems bad luck to make one for him before he's out and it seems insensitive to not include him.

    Those things crack me up!

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    1. Some of them really ARE funny. I saw one on Sunday on the back of a Volvo station wagon that was a zombie family-- hysterical! To top it off, the licenses plate on the car said BRA11NS.

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    2. I've seen the zombies and some that have a whole Star Wars thing going on...I used to make fun of them and started to write about them a few times until we were in Walmart and my son asked if he could use HIS money to buy them for us. Of course, that was five months ago and they are still sitting on the desk--mostly because we NEVER get to those kinds of things (or ANY kinds of things it seems!), but partly because I feel like a hypocrite! I guess since I never did actually POST the blog about them it would be fine. Ours are pretty generic--we don't do much and have no pets. Unfortunately for said criminal, you can't measure the crazy based on a sticker...

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    3. I'm not a fan of the decals, but would reconsider for Day of the Dead ones! ;)

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  4. Those stickers bug me too. I actually wrote about it on my blog as well: http://desireeeaglin.com/2012/06/10/what-not-to-do-how-to-make-your-kids-easy-targets/

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  5. I agree...I'm a little paranoid about my kids safety too. No stickers for us. Hubby was watching an episode of Dexter where a serial killer lured a boy away pretending to be a police man: he got names and info about the family from the decals on the car. When I saw that, I decide decals are always a no for me (no matter how cute they may be). It was a TV show, but there are crazies out there, so why give them more info than they need?

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  6. YES! I always think the same thing about those decals! Love Meriah's idea of the skull heads, though. :-) Ours would be pretty pathetic, uber dull...

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  7. Ha! So true... Thanks for the light-hearted post on a serious topic. :)

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  8. I used to think about putting those on our van.... BUT we have 5 kids, 2 cats, 2 goats and 30 rabbits.... It would stretch around the van twice! LOL

    Found your blog through the TGIF Blog Hop and I am now following! :)

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  9. Totally agree! I have a special disgust for the decal of the little boy peeing on stuff. I have a 4-yr-old son. I see enough of that at home. I don't need it in my face while stuck in traffic.

    Also found you on the Blog Hop! Love your blog!

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  10. I always wondered why people advertised their family on their car, I mean people are too paranoid to let their child step on the front porch alone but here they are advertising how many kids they have... ages... activities... what the best time is to kidnap them. But maybe I have just watched too much SVU?

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  11. I love those decals! I got a new minivan this year and have every intention of finding the right set of decals, but perhaps we should all look like hobos or transients. LOL.

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  12. LOL....But I think you should have a smoothie in one of those hands of yours ;-)

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  13. Oh my goodness. It would be pointless for me to put one of those on my car. My kids change their interests like they change their underwear. Frequently. Love it and thanks for the giggle!! I'm just now getting caught up on some reading, so finally made it over to say thanks for joining us on the Blog Hop!!! Hope to see you again Friday :)

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  14. ahahahaa. I have a vinyl maker and I can't tell you how many people asked if I made those things. I'm the kind of person that is very happy to sell out- but not this time. I refused to make them I hated them so much. That could have been $$$ but I have to hang on to whatever fledgling scruples I have left.

    That being said, I AM going to start making weapons for the families. And dead things. ANd houses on fire. That way, when you see one of those asshole families, you can go ahead and make them HORRIFIC. Awesome prank, no?

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  15. I like the way you think! Take a pic of one you have improved and send it my way. LOL!

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  16. Hi! I just joined the blog hop and found you on there! This post made me NEED to follow your blog! LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Those stick figures make me want to hit people!! LOL

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    1. LOL! Me and you both, girlie! Especially the ones with the names under each kid figure. Glad you joined the Crazy Train!

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  17. Stopped by from the blog hop and I am leaving a follower. I have wanted one of these family decals for my mini van for a while, but can't bring myself to buy them. One, I'm cheap, and this seems rather wasteful, and other than advertising my family on the back of my mini van doesn't just having the mini van scream I'm a mom who loves my family enough??? Do I really need to tell you on the window who is occupying the seats inside. I say get in the lane next to me and you can peek in and see all of the craziness for yourself : ) Hope you stop by Figuring it Out as we Grow and I would love if you followed me back!

    www.figuringitoutaswegrow.blogspot.com

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